If Only (Captured) Page 7

  Wrapped in the chunky wool, I stand within the glow coming from inside the condo, looking out over the sleeping city. Off in the distance, beyond Bay Bridge, the hint of indigo and pink fuse with the slightly cloudy sapphire sky, speaking of a new day.

  Su pokes her head through the open crack of the door. “Hey, we’re gonna eat now, are you sure you don’t want any?”

  “No, thanks,” I reply.

  She smiles at me and turns back inside.

  I smile to myself, because I get to stay longer.

  Fifteen: Joe

  After eating and talking to Su, who’s now playing another game of cards, I head out to the balcony. Callie is sitting wrapped in a blanket, feet up on the seat and arms hugging her knees to her chest. I sit beside her, resting my arm along the back of the couch, but with no contact. I’ll keep within the boundaries, regardless of my craving to do more. “You tired?” I ask.

  “No, I’m good. I had no idea the last time I was here that the view of Bay Bridge was so great. I came out at the perfect time. I love the whole process of going from the dark night into dawn, then twilight, then sunrise. I’m not often awake for it, but I’ve got some stunning photos of the transition. A bunch of them are with Bay Bridge in shot. I wish I had my camera now.” Her gaze shifts from the sky to me. “First thing in the morning is my favorite time of day, just after the sun has risen. I love the feel of it, it’s so calm, like most of the world is still asleep. I love the way the air feels, too.”

  “That’s nice.” And I mean it, it is nice. There’s something more pleasing about her eyes when she speaks of things she likes, a spark of excitement.

  “What’s your favorite time of day, Joe?” There’s also something pleasing about the way she says my name. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s gratifying.

  “I prefer it late at night, when things have slowed down. I especially enjoy riding freeways and unlit roads in the dark, with only my headlight, when there’s less to see and I can focus on feeling. Come to think of it, I’ve seen some awesome sunsets on early evening rides when I’ve taken them.” I don’t know if offering to take her on one of those rides is pushing the boundaries. I’ll have a think about that.

  “That sounds nice, too.” With a soft smile, she turns her face up toward the sky, the loose flowing strands of pink silk gathering on her shoulders with the backward tilt of her head. “I can’t believe we played for so long … Joe, did you lose on purpose?”

  I suppress my emerging grin. “Why would I do that?”

  “I really don’t believe I won those games against you, I’m not as good as you.”

  I got more pleasure out of letting her be the victorious one than I would have if it had been me, but I had to let it be close so it wasn’t obvious. “You deserved to win.”

  “Are you avoiding my question?”

  “Nope, you won fair and square.” I shrug, lightheartedly.

  She looks at me, suspicion in her eyes. I hold her mesmerizing gaze. Her brows knit together, as though she’s thinking of something. Now she breaks our connection, lowering her chin to rest between the peaks of her knees.

  I have an overwhelming urge to slide my arm forward, scoop her into my side, and hold her. And then ask her what she’s thinking. Right now, I want superpowers, which make me a mind reader. I’d love to know the way her mind works, understand her deeper than any other man.

  If I was enough of a dick to pursue Callie, regardless of her relationship, I’d be wasting my time. After seeing her with Nick at the expo, I know for sure she wants to be with him. I also know that she and I connect in a way that tells me things would be different between us if Nick hadn’t found her first. That doesn’t help with things right now, I know she doesn’t feel the same way for me as I do her – and that won’t change as long as she’s with her boyfriend.

  I should stay the fuck away from Callie, but it is one hell of a motivator to feel that things could be different.

  Sixteen: Callie

  I got straight into bed as soon as I arrived home. It’s now daylight outside and a streak of brightness peeps in between my curtains, which I clearly didn’t close tightly enough. The house is quiet; mom is at work, Elena and Dad are still sleeping. The silent residential street outside doesn’t interfere with the serenity of my room, either. Nick will be coming by at some point this morning, so I have to get some sleep.

  Still, I lay here heavy eyed, but awake. It was the same after getting back from Joe’s party and after the expo and the other two times I briefly saw him when I was with Saffron. The man is consuming my thoughts. All I can think about is the things we’ve said to each other, the way he speaks, his expressions, his masculine, yet beautiful face, his physique. He even has gorgeous feet.

  I feel guilty, it’s like I’m mentally cheating on my boyfriend, and I don’t welcome it.

  It’s all so weird and unexpected, uninvited. I’m fighting whatever this is, but it’s difficult. It’s confusing, too. Before I met Joe, I thought Nick was my Mr. Perfect, the man I wanted to be with forever. I still do. But I feel something for Joe. Just thinking his name has my body temperature rising, how freaking weird is that?

  Joe … Joe … Joe … I could spontaneously combust.

  Sighing heavy, I roll onto my back. Switch off brain, please. I grab my cell from my nightstand. I’m calling Su.

  “I was just having the best dream ever,” she says, in a drowsy voice.

  “I’m sorry, but I have a question for you. Can you love two guys at the same time?”

  She’s silent for a moment. “What’s this about? And why have you disturbed my fantasy for this?”

  “I wanted your opinion, sorry, I thought you might still be awake. So what do you think?”

  “Please ask me something I know the answer to.”

  “Can you love a guy you haven’t even kissed?”

  “Oh, no, you are so not asking me this. You are so not in love with Joe.”

  “How’d you know I’m talking about him?”

  “How long have we been friends?”

  “Okay, okay. Can I love Joe, even though I already adore Nick to death? And when I haven’t so much as kissed him, or done anything other than talk to him?”

  She giggles, but I don’t know why she finds this funny. “Love isn’t about a kiss, Callie. Sure you can determine chemistry, but emotions run deeper. I think you can love two people at once, sure, but I also think one will be more dominant than the other. So really my answer is no, I guess. Cuz if one overrides the other then that must be true love, right? Christ, I don’t know, Callie. Are you sure it’s that deep with Joe? You two do get along well, but love?”

  “I don’t know.” It’s more than a simple case of liking him, I’m certain of that. I could ignore that. But love does seem a little extreme, right? The thing is, when I looked into his eyes when we were out on the balcony this morning, what I felt exceeded anything close to like.

  “Oh, I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. I only want Zack. I can see other cute guys, but he’s the only one for me. I’ve been with him longer than you have with Nick, though, so … this is hard. Maybe we should see what happens over the next few weeks. It could just be good old fashion lust and you’re confusing things.” She yawns and I feel guilty for waking her up with my silly uncertainties.

  “Yeah, I guess. Go back to your dream, sorry for waking you.”

  Two amazing men, both get to me in different ways.

  Joe is unbelievable. He’s confident, in an attractive way, with a physical presence of manly dominance and raw, highly tempting sex appeal, but with eyes that seem to say so much more. What they say I don’t fully understand, it’s like a different language, but it makes me feel warm and wanting, it’s so intense. That penetrates me deeply, even without his touch.

  His presence alone is enough.

  Nick is exactly what I wanted in a guy; his looks and physique are faultless, he excites me, he makes me feel special, and I completely trust him with
my heart. I adore being with him, and physically we’re great together, we have perfect chemistry. He’s perfect.

  So what’s the deal with Joe? Why is he invading my thoughts? Does he feel anything for me? He’s nice to me, always talks to me, but he’s like that with Su, too. Am I his type? Does he consider me attractive? That Cher song springs to mind right now – if I kissed Joe what would it tell me?

  I can’t kiss him, I won’t kiss him. I have a boyfriend.

  Okay, this analysis needs to stop. He’s new on the scene and that’s probably it. Maybe I’ll skip the arcade night we all have planned for Thursday. I knew I should’ve said no when it was suggested, but I didn’t want to, so I said yes.

  I’m seeing Joe again in six days. (Between you and me, that seems like forever away)

  I should cancel. Or go and not look at him. Not possible, my eyes would betray me and do it anyway.

  The doorbell sounds. Shit.

  ****

  Su and I pass the evening diners, the smell of fried chicken and meat encapsulating us as music flows below the conversations. We enter the pool hall and pass a series of tables, most of which are taken. Joe, Adam, Gerard and Dane are playing in teams of two at the far end. By them, Saffron is sitting at a small, circular table, watching. When Su and I approach her, we all hug and sit down together.

  As the three of us fall into chatter, I also watch the game. At least, I try to, it’s impossible not to be engrossed in Joe, as I expected. Su discretely nudges my foot with hers, pulling my attention back to the two of them. They’re talking about Saffron’s event, coming up next month. It’s for Halloween and the opening night of a club in Sacramento. That means it’s fake ID time. I’m super excited and, of course, my mom is happy that I’m making new friends.

  Unable to stop myself, my head turns in the other direction. God, Joe’s hot. The full length of his lean back is pressing against his fitted snow-white sweater as he leans over the green felt to take his shot, the muscles rippling with his movement. The cue ball and the red stripe he’s aiming for are awkwardly placed at the opposite end.

  I allow my gaze to travel from the waistband of his low-hung jeans, where his shirt is tucked, up along his torso, over his sculpted shoulder, and down his strong arm to his hand. The end of the cue is resting in the curve between his thumb and forefinger. What the hell? Out of nowhere, a vision of my tongue running along that long, slim forefinger, from third-knuckle to tip, entered my mind, uninvited. This is so not okay. Shaking my head, I drag my interest away from him, back to the girls, at this point hearing the ball pocket. Oh, man. I take a deep breath.

  “Callie, are you okay?” Saffron asks, leaning across the table toward me.

  “I’m fine, just hot.” I shrug out of my denim jacket. The cool air caressing my stomach, uncovered by my cropped black shirt, is soothingly welcome. I can think of somewhere else a little lower down that also needs caress– stop it! I could really use an ice-cold soda. Fuck that, no way am I walking by you-know-who to go get one.

  “Let’s go get some drinks,” Saffron says, “that might help.”

  Dammit. I force a smile. “Great idea. You’ll know what the guys want, right?”

  “Sure.” She nods.

  Dumbass, of course she knows, Adam is her boyfriend and they’re all friends.

  I’ll have to be careful not to pay too much attention to Joe in front of her, she’d probably tell Adam. Maybe even the guy himself. The last thing I want is for Joe to think some silly teenager has a crush on him. Even if it is true.

  As I walk to the bar, that way-too-sexy man is in my peripheral. I strongly order my head not to turn and it obeys. My eyes have no choice but to stay looking in the direction I’m going in. Waiting for our beverages, I’m in full control and disciplined. This is good, very good. All of our drinks fit on the one tray. I wish I’d known that, I could’ve avoided getting up.

  On the way back, I fail. A slip of my betraying gaze, in the direction of the game, locks in on Joe’s deep brown eyes staring back at me. Busted. I smile politely and carry on my way. Shit, I’m scorching, this is not normal. I need an escape.

  “Hey, I’m just going to the restroom,” I tell Su and Saffron.

  Rushing into the first stall, I close the door and pull the lock across. With my forehead against the cool wood, I take some deep breaths. The sterile, bleachy smell in here is making me feel sick. I make my breathing shallow and try to control my-silly-self.

  “Callie,” Su whispers from the other side, “are you okay?”

  I slide the catch back and march out. “Yeah, it’s just kind of hot out there.”

  “You mean normal hot, or Joe hot?”

  I look at her and we giggle like a pair of teenagers, one of whom does have a crush on Joe. “This isn’t good,” I say, shaking my head. Stopping at the sink, I turn on the faucet. “I can’t like someone else. I could understand it if I didn’t have a boyfriend I was actually happy with. This is crazy.”

  “We can make our excuses and go if you want.”

  “No, I’ll get over it. I have to if we want to spend time with Saffron, sometimes he’ll be around.” I wash my hands and dry them on the paper towel.

  “Let’s get back out there then,” she says, walking to the door. “If you get Joe hot again, and you wanna go, just lemme know.”

  Seventeen: Joe

  “Saff, you wanna play?” Gerard calls to her. “How ‘bout you girls, too?” he says to Callie and Su.

  “I’m okay for now,” Callie answers, after a brief hesitation.

  Saffron and Su get up from their seats, and Adam stays with Gerard to even out the teams.

  “You don’t wanna play?” I ask Callie, sitting across from her.

  “I do. Just not yet, it’s a little hot in here.” She starts fanning her face with a coaster. She could always take her clothes off. “I’m not as good as any of you, though,” she says, placing the tip of her straw against her bottom lip. She seals it in with the top one. And sucks. Damn. I hold back the thoughts those lips of hers start to provoke.

  “You should go up against Gerard. He’s okay, but he’s not great competition.”

  “It’s true,” Dane says, taking up the stool beside her.

  “Why don’t we go check out some of the games?” She sucks on her straw again.

  Fuck. That mouth.

  And, yes, I do want to do that.

  “Sure, why not? Dane?” I ask, looking at him.

  “Let’s do it.”

  We pass by the others to tell them where we’re headed. The entire floor below the pool hall is filled with a variety of games; racing, shooting, dance competitions. It’s busy and the crowd’s all adult, which I prefer, and we’re submerged in sound effects, music, and voices, meaning we have to speak up to hear each other.

  “Let’s start here,” Callie says, her strides leading toward the motorcycles.

  As we approach, Dane stands in front of her and lightly places his hand on her shoulder. “We’re pretty good on these things, you know.”

  Straightening her already perfect posture further, she looks up into his eyes. “Are you trying to say I can’t race well?” Dane smiles, I know he’s impressed and that he also wants to laugh. At six-foot-one, he’s the same height as me, and stands head and shoulders taller than her. He likes her spunk just as much as I do. “I’m not so sure about Joe,” she continues, throwing a glance my way, “you do know he couldn’t even avoid my little bug without ending up sprawled on the sidewalk. I’m not concerned.” She shakes her head, folding her arms.

  I chuckle with mirth. “Baby cake, it’s on,” I say, walking to the bike closest to me. She’s challenging me, I like that. I sincerely hope she brings that attitude of hers to the bedroom.

  We take up the last three bikes and, without giving the lady-with-an-attitude the option, Dane jumps on at the end, placing Callie in the middle. Doing that is his way of putting her in her place, since she’s the one who decided to bring it.

&
nbsp; Glancing in her direction, my stare gets stuck. This vision is way too good, makes up for missing out on seeing her bent over the pool table. Maybe I’ll crash out early, watch her from behind. I’d gladly lose for that. I can already imagine how those petite black-denim clad legs of hers look from the rear, spread wide, and her exquisite ass fitting nicely on the seat.

  Fuck, that’s hot. Focus!

  We feed our money into the machine, the sound effects starting up and the screens flickering brightly, as they come to life, showing us the road ahead from the rider’s point of view. We’re ready to race and Callie looks at me, an eyebrow arched. “Fair and square,” she silently mouths.

  If that’s how she wants it, then that’s what she’ll get.

  We do it, she’s good, but as expected, Dane and I kick her butt.

  She jumps off the motorcycle, happy as though she’s won, dropping some kind of victory dance. “I knew I wouldn’t win, but I wanted to see how I’d fair against you guys.” She props her hands on her sexy hips, her perky tits raised high with the proud lift of her chest. You really would think she won that race.

  “And you’re happy because?” Am I missing the point?

  “I came third.” She shrugs. “That’s good and it was my personal best. I didn’t actually expect to beat the two of you, but I didn’t do too bad keeping up.”

  Damn, if I lacked self-restraint, I’d have her straddle me the way she did that bike – right fucking here. Watching her all excited like this is insane. The red, blue and white lights coming from the game are dancing across her exposed flesh, and the tight-ass fit of those jeans.

  Dangerous! This girl is dangerous!

  Eighteen: Callie

  Tonight has been fantastic, I’m glad I came after all. Being around Joe is easier when there are other things to do, and I’ve had a blast competing against Gerard. It’s been war between us and we seemed to keep up our dance routine of win, lose, win, lose.